Care Giving,Social Isolation and Protecting Yourself When Engaging Social Media Such as Facebook

by Diane Carbo RN
(Phildaelphia)

I was recently contacted by a client all upset that her heart was broken, and worse, her bank account was a lot lighter.

She is a care giver. Lonely, emotionally drained and socially isolated.

Her communication is mostly on the internet.

This very smart and professional middle aged female has a Facebook page and was approached by a man for a relationship.

Over a period of time, one thing led to another and well, of course, she ended up sending him money.

Of course, he had "money", it was just tied up for the moment and he would pay her back when he saw her.

Over the past few weeks, I have seen posts on my Facebook page by different males and females, about how they wish that all these individual's would stop seeking them out for a relationship.

That gave me pause to think, how much of this is going on.

Now I want you to know that when I was young, I was often told I looked like the character "Gloria" if the sitcom "Archie Bunker".

At 57 years old, I am now told that I look like Angela Landsbury! But, even I get a few wonderful and endearing emails proposing a relationship.

The emails are always the same. I am beautiful,
(in an Angela Landsbury kind of way, for sure) that I caught their eye, my profile stood out from the crowd.(with Facebook having billions of beautiful young attractive women on it, my picture stood out at you. Oh yeah)

It always goes on to say my profile was so interesting they just had to write me.

My profile is basically blank.

So, with few friends, all, mature females, we decided to respond to the next 2 "advances" that came our way.

I have to admit, I have a devilish streak. This was, of course, for educational purposes.


This was so much fun and so enlightening and very scary and sad at the same time.

Of course, we went into this eyes wide opened and to learn about how this process works.

Ladies and for those men care givers, as well, what we learned is that there is a system in place, where individuals, of I am sure are both, men and women, are master manipulators.

They feign interest in you, boost you self esteem, always and consistently want you to be totally "honest" with them. Yes, "honesty" between" the two of you is of the utmost importance if this relationship is going to work.

They try to get into your heart and win you over.

They also seem to have a theme of being church going men.

I guess to makes them more trustworthy.

Every single one encouraged email interaction often, and wanted to chat.

Skype or telephone was discouraged early on.

When telephone contact was made, it was only after a sudden and long trip to a foreign country.

Then, the female was asked to call, because for some reason, the very wealthy, world traveler did not have the means to make a long distance phone call!!!

As care givers, you do become lonely and isolated and look for companionship.

Please, just be smart and protect yourself, your pocketbook and your heart.

When in doubt, email me or call me. I have stories to tell you. If you have stories to share about an experience, please share it here.

We need to keep each other safe from those out there trying to take advantage of out good nature.




Let's see what happens next


Diane Carbo RN

Your Life Care Advocate

Care giver Social Isolation, Vunerability and Social Media Interaction The Story Continues

by Diane Carbo RN
(Philadelphia, PA)

I am going to share the responses that were sent to us as we played along with our new found relationship. An email was sent sharing some basic information. We were cautious in our wording at first. Even suggested that this could very well be a scam and someone that would take advantage of us. So we wanted to proceed cautiously and carefully.

Here is the next response.


Thanks for the brief introduction about yourself and I will really like to know more as time progresses and be friends first and pray to the good Lord and see where this takes us to, I am not into Cyber sex but real friendship

Let me tell you a short story of me at least we can kick off from there.
I was born in Sweden and have spent most of my life in Europe my parents moved to a small town in Maine Halifax Canada when I was 5 years old.

I spent a year in college until I ran out of money and came back home, to discover that my mum had died of hypertension. T
The following year I lost my dad also after a brief illness.
Am into investment banking, with broad financial advisory, research and investment experience. More so, Strong communicator experience, negotiating and presenting to publicly traded and private held corporate management teams.

We developed expertise in various sectors of healthcare including biotech, proteomics, specialty pharmaceuticals, healthcare technology, medical devices and various service sectors.

I have serve overseas for years meaning that I have tour different part of the world.

I’ve been working for this large payroll company for more than 6 years and enjoy my job a lot. It has really being good benefits and is pretty easy to relocate.

During the summer I enjoy getting involved in hiking, biking, and sports as much as possible as well as cooking. The last two years I've been a member of a slow pitch softball team.

During the winter I enjoy skiing but have never really had that skiing buddy that would go with me.

The winter in Maine makes it hard but if you can cuddle up on the couch with a loved one and watch a movie then you can get through it. I don’t smoke...drink socially (six packs usually last a week in my fridge).

Sexually, I’ve only been with one person. I thought everything was perfect when I lost my wife in a ghastly motor accident in Michigan on their way to get a wedding gown for our 3 years marriage anniversary.

Up to this very moment I find it hard to believe that my wife is no more. I love my wife so much and it is so sad that she is no more leaving me behind in this whole wide world.

I look forward to being able to enjoy a beautiful relationship with that one who has so much love to share. So now I live alone with my son.

The online dating service came as an option because my uncle was successful using it and remarried a wonderful woman after his wife passed away a few years ago.

He is my inspiration. I'm shy for the most part. Once I get to know people I come out of my shell. I need a woman with some spunk in my life. That picture of yours makes me chuckle....you seem like someone who has energy...who enjoys life. I enjoy going to watch a ball games but not to pick up women and beside I travel allot because of the nature of my work.

I've always had a hard time breaking the ice.....I would have a hard time walking up to someone like yourself and ask for your cell phone #.....I would probably stumble over every other word at least this way I can backspace.....pause and think about what to say. I would love to hear back from you...

The distance between us makes it harder but we can learn so much about each other this way and see what happens in the future as time progresses.

I promise to be honest. To be truthful. I ask for the same in return. If you don’t get back today....have a wonderful day that is just all about me for now I will talk to you when I get back home


Sincerely yours,

Readers, you will notice that are many inconsistencies in this story. But, the vulnerable female will ignore them or not even check them out. I have more share over the next few days.

It is a topic that is on the outskirts of care giving, as so many are lonely and wanting to feel special and not so alone. I hope that if this series will protect one other person from being taken advantage of, this will be worth it.



Stick around there is more to this story


Diane Carbo RN

Your Life Care Advocate

Care Giving,Social Isolation and Protecting Yourself When Engaging Social Media Such as Facebook, Part 3

by Diane Carbo RN
(Philadelphia, PA)

As the communication continued, we started to ask questions about him, very specific questions- about his life, his family, etc. This is the response. We only can imagine that, once again, there is someone cutting and pasting these pat responses for some poor, vulnerable soul to read, ......

Am so glad reading from you today, that was my first time on FACE BOOK, I said to
myself that I need to give this site a trial and see what comes out of it, I have seen your profile a long time but wanted to be sure if this is what I really want to do, gosh you have a beautiful picture, and they really caught my attention

I have been thinking of you and this lovely picture since I set my eyes on them, i might be wrong or right about you, but the truth is that i cant stop thinking about what i saw....and as a matter of fact you made me do some dancing steps after reading your letter, i felt so good and happy. I was just about to take off to the air, I was very impressed that you even accept me beyond I ever thought, and yes i want to us to be friends and see what happens there after.

Your profile seem to posses some sought of magnetic charm that elicited my interest and fascination.

My admiration and physical attraction drew forth my immediate response without hesitation because you appeal to my dreams and desire.

My sudden instinctive response was based primarily on a spontaneous mutual attraction which rendered me helpless and unable to resist communicating with you immediately, please afford me the opportunity to know you.

I need to let you know that distance is not a barrier as long as our hearts connect as one and I don’t see it as an obstacle; rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be, Distance does not matter if two hearts are loyal to one another, your beauty and sweetness captured my heart, Only God's creations can compare to the beauty that I see in you, The greatest gift to my eyesight is having my eyes set on you.

They say, 'A picture is worth a thousand words,'
but when I saw yours, I was speechless.

Please feel free to email me all the time, and take care of yourself for me.
Waiting for your reply soon
Sincerely

Larry

To my readers...

Oh yes, I have such magnetic charm, in that Angela Lansbury sort of way LOL, the men just flock to me !!!

I guess just a simple email response asking questions and showing interest sent him dancing.

He failed to mention, that we did mention our concern that he may be a serial murder, rapist or con man, or grifter!

But I guess he overlooked those comments.

Of course, I have to admit, I've been told all my life, yes even when I was young and beautiful, that while other woman give the "come hither" look to men, my girl friends have always accused me of giving men the "Go Yonder" Look LOL!

So while I found his attraction to my picture refreshing (hehehehe) , I think he was definitely delusional.

Yes, I leave alot of men speechless. But it is not my looks, for sure. It is definitely not my looks.

For those vulnerable lonely care females/caregivers out there. Please do not be taken in by these sweet words and caring phrases.They could be written by woman to entice you to give your heart away.

The goal is not a relationship with you, it is financial gain for them.



More to Come, You will not want to miss this


Diane Carbo RN

Your Life Care Advocate

Care Givers Lonely, Maybe Even Starting over: Life After Care Giving- How To Protect Yourself Using Social Media Such As Facebook

by Diane Carbo RN
(Philadelphia, PA)

So many people are turning to the Internet to find friendship or companionship. For many, it seems easier and safer than the traditional ways.

The fact is, while the Internet opens up so many more options to you, people can lie to you just as easily as they can in person.

I find that many care givers are much more vulnerable, yet many want to take this step.

I have developed a list of tips so that you can protect yourself and feel better about having a safe online experience.

If you are using a face book page, keep your information limited and your privacy settings so that only your friends see what you post.

Do not freely post your activities about when and where you are going to be out and about. It leaves anyone that it looking open to information when your home is vacant etc.

If you are looking for companionship, choose a dating site that screens their members.

Look for a site that has privacy policies to help protect you. The best one would be a site that screens for criminal records and married applicants.

Never, EVER, respond to ANY requests that come to you on Facebook or any other social media site.

If you have not read this story, please take the time to do so
Protecting Yourself When Engaging Social Media Such as Face book Part 1

This will give you a clear understanding of why this is a dangerous and futile waste of your time.

Always use anonymity. Never reveal any identifying information about yourself early on.

Set up a separate email address specifically for online friendships and relationships. Never reveal your primary email account to anyone until you know that this is going to be a true relationship.

Always ask for exchange of recent photos. With digital cameras and phone cameras it is not unrealistic to ask that a more recent photo be sent. The more pictures they provide the better. If someone is faking it is difficult to handle that request if anyone is using fake or doctored photos.

Take things slowly. Don’t rush. You may be lonely, but your safety, your heart and your finances could be in jeopardy.

If you read the story on my site about the phone call, I would suggest that you sign up for Skype.
It is free. You can create a call name for your friends any where in the world and, if you want another account for your real friends.

The best part about Skype is you can actually see the person as you are talking with them. Of course, that is your choice, but it is one I always choose to do.

Don’t forget that when you are reading emails and profiles you are getting carefully constructed material. Speaking to someone you will get a much better representation of them as a person.

If they do not look like their description or their personality does not match their description, do not be afraid to ask questions or just hang up. There are times when good manners just do not matter, and this is one of those times.

Never EVER give out your own phone number and make sure if they give you their number, you have caller ID blocking feature on your phone.

You can always purchase phone card and use that as a way of maintaining anonymity as well. It is very important that you make yourself difficult to contact if the person makes you uncomfortable or uneasy in any way.

Care givers always feel as if they have to justify their decisions. In this case, never question yourself. Just move on. There will be other individuals that will come along.

Do not be pressured to meet in person. You are in the driver’s seat. You meet in person when you are ready, not when the other person feels they think it is time to meet. You are not obligated to meet anyone’s time table. It does not matter how long you have been communicating.

Always choose a public place when you do meet. A restaurant, a movie theater someplace where there will be other people around.

I suggest that you use your own transportation as well. You should be able to get there and be able to leave by choice.

Never agree to allow others to pick you up. Always tell a friend where you are going and when you are going to return.

If you decide to travel somewhere to meet a new friend, be extremely cautious. Make your safety the highest priority. Make your own hotel arrangements and keep them private. You may want to register under a different name, just for safety sake.

Hey, you can never be too careful. When flying, make sure you get your own rental car.

You do not want anyone to be in control of when you come and go.

Always make sure your friends and family know where you are and what your plans are. Please check in with them often.

Always trust your gut. If you are feeling unsure about something, or if something does not feel right, do not dismiss it.

If something does not ring true to you, it probably isn’t.

Pay attention to your feelings. Throw good manners and a need for companionship out the window when it comes to your safety and well being.

Diane Carbo RN
Your Life Care Advocate

Care giving , Loneliness, Social Isolation and Protecting Yourself When Engaging Social Media Such as FaceBook Part 4

by Diane Carbo RN
(Philadelphia, PA)

I am going to include the next three communications that occurred over the next week or so.

Here is day one response to our questions about him..

i appreciate your time and effort for getting back to me. I hope this would continue with time we would know each other better am an independent man with one child,i have goals and am working to achieve them.
I have God in my life and working to imitate Him. Without God I am nothing, but with God I am everything. I am learning not to settle for lest and working for the best things in life.
I am looking for friendly chat and if it involves more than friendship, that will be great. I like people who have positive attitudes and who are real and who are honest

I will like too ask some question from you, what kind of work are you doing for living and do you stay alone, how many kind do you have and what do you do on your spare time, also your like and your dislike....?


In my spare time I enjoy working out, (GYM) Basketball, music, studying the Bible, and Reading.

I hope we'd have some shared interests and goals, as well as some similarities in opinion about what's important in life. I would love to find out if you are a caring woman that I could have a very deep relationship with and be able to just feel the Light when we are together

. I'm hoping you would be a like minded partner to share life with. I like to be physically active as much I can, as a great balance to the cerebral side of life!

I am very respectful, obedient and ambitious. I always look forward to even further improvement whether is in a relationship or betterment in life general.

I love to shop for household decorations and garden supply. I tend to keep plants up in the house during the winter too

. As I said, I love to take long walks, and on the sandbar even better!! I love to spend time at the ocean,not only swimming, but fishing, crabbing, and searching for treasures.

I do love my select TV shows and would love to share that time with a friend. I love to talk over a cup of coffee, just catching up on life. I love to be welcomed home and welcoming people into my home.
I like/not love eating out. I love to cook a great meal when I know someone will enjoy it. I love trying knew things.

I hope am not talking much but i will stop here for now hope too here from you...


The next interaction response was....

The week was really crazy thanks God it s over. I was dying to write you realizing that you await a letter from me but I had neither time no possibility to do it.

I was to prepare important documents as soon as possible so I was as busy as a bee. I tried to write you at home but I came home too exhausted and just got a call from where i apply for a contract last month that my contract has been approve.

As i told you that Am into investment banking, with broad financial advisory, research and investment experience.
More so, Strong communicator experience, negotiating and presenting to publicly traded and private held corporate management teams, i have pray for this contract so long and finally i got it maybe because you came into my life, i can see there good luck on your side smile.....

Now i think i will be getting my things ready for my travel and i will let you know when i arrival there, what you have to do just pray for me,i will like to know the color of your eyes and the color of your hair and sorry to ask this how old are you.

Hope to hear from you and God bless you...

This came as a real surprise to us...

What a lovely email you sent to me I have being kind of busy and out of the states I have been thinking a lot about you today and I can’t seems to get you off my head as usual.

I want you to know how much I sincerely love the countless hours you most have spent In writing me, It means so much to me.

It truly seems like I've known you forever and I honestly can't imagine life without a good woman like you, i want to be so close to you. There will be no looking back, no second thoughts and no regrets.

I want to know you and love you and only you if that is what God has ordain... and that love will only grow stronger if we put in effort into this new found love and relationship.

Sometimes life hits you with unexpected things that take you totally by surprise.

All I can say is you're the best surprise life has given me and your capacity for love, caring, and understanding will never ceases to amaze me if only you open your heart wide and take me into your life. I've truly been blessed by finding you and I'll never let you go.

Presently am here in SA(Durban) Am here to seek power of attorney from my Lawyer for the new contract that is about to take place in Durban next week I can see you are the person that i can share my love and happiness with but only time will tell, can you add your # in your next email so as to call you and listen to your voice.you can reach me on this number (011 27 835 834 032).

I will be here waiting for your reply

To my readers, I had no idea what SA was- found out it is South Africa! So with Skype, my girlfriend and I called. Well the voice was neither British or Canadian. And I definitely took the man off guard.

He was very sweet and kind and so excited I called. He want to know all about me, what I did for a living , what kind of car I drove.

He let me know he drove a beemer. He wanted my telephone number to call me,but I told him, with Skype we could talk for free and all he had to do was go to his computer and we could even see each other.

He was very confused about Skype saying he was not good with computer things. Then he told me. his birthday was coming up. I said that's nice "Happy Birthday". He said, what are you going to get me for my birthday?

I said"Excuse me"

Again, he said "what are you going to get me for my birthday?"

Here I am trying very hard to stay in character, for me the restraint was more than I could bear...but I replied.. "What would you like?"

His response" I am not a greedy or demanding man, but a Blackberry with unlimited called to the US would be great. I can see phone calls to you are going to cost me a fortune."

Well, I must tell I lost it. My patients used to tell me, even if you can't see you, we hear you laughing .

There was a long enough pause where he said to me," don't tell me you have to think about this?"

Where I responded, laughing, " I do not have to think about this at all. You tell me you are a banker, you drive a beemer, you travel the world and your telling me you don't already have a Blackberry. And are concerned about a few international calls!
I am sorry, but you are talking to the wrong woman.Where I come from men lavish woman with gifts, not the other way around. So what are you going to give me for your birthday?

The line went dead.

Gee, I wonder if it was something that I said? LOL?

Tomorrow, I will post how you can protect yourself from falling victim to one of these schemes when you are in a vulnerable state.



How to Protect Yourself Online