Caring for a Narcisistic Mother. How Do I Help My Friend Save Their Mental and Physical Health?

by Emma

I am trying to help my boyfriend who is the caregiver of his 75 year old mother.

I recognized her as being a narcissist right away.

He has had heart trouble for which he was hospitalized for in the past.

His heart condition has worsened due to the emotional stress of caring for his mother. She is demeaning, degrading and selfish in her behavior toward him.

He has 3 brothers who do nothing to help out at all. They never even visit.

When my boyfriend told his mother that heart condition was causing him problems, she didn't show any signs of caring at all.

I know this because the other day she asked me what his problem was and I said he hasn't felt good for over a month and she said she was sick and tired of everyone saying that they are sick.

It is all about her all the time, she has no regard for what anyone else wants or needs.

He can't work, because she wants him available to take care of her every whim. She's a millionaire, but she won't give him any money, ever.

He is stressed out and cries all the time but won't let me help him.

God forbid you point out what is going on. I care about him so much but don't know what to do at this point. I could write an entire book about what I have seen go on.

Emma


I am so sorry to read about this. This is such a classic unhealthy narcissistic parent/child relationship.

The other brothers are the wise ones and were able to get away. Your boyfriend has an lifetime of bad habits to unlearn. This is what he knows.

Unfortunately, his physical and emotional health are suffering because of the unhealthy relationship.

I would first like to ask you to refer your boyfriend to Caring for a Narcissist- A Survival Guide
to give him some insight into what he may be dealing with and not realizing it.

I would also like to recommend that he join an online support group Adult-ChildrenOFNarcissits@yahoogroups.com.

I think he would benefit from others that are in similar situations.

I will tell you that your boy friend should also consider investigating A Family Caregiver Contract
for his own financial future and his own medical coverage. It is also a way to set limits and boundaries for his mother and her future care needs.

Your boyfriend deserves to live a life of his own choosing. It may be hard for him to see or even realize that.

It may be hard for him to accept that his mother is not capable of loving anyone but herself.

I hope, that he will take time to learn about narcissism and how it has affected his life. It can save his life, but, only if he takes the time to seek help.

Thank you for bringing to light a very difficult subject. Please keep me posted.

Diane Carbo RN
Your Life Care Advocate