Suggestions for Care giving, to avoid Care giver stress and the Power of Positive Thinking for Healing

by Meghan
(Pocono Mts. Pennsylvania)

I thought that I would share my message I sent to my family and friends when my father was diagnosed with cancer. I will keep all abreast of his progress.

Here is the email:

I would imagine you have probably heard about my father’s most recent health challenge. I am not referring to his open heart surgery which has been postponed again, this time indefinitely. I’m referring to the more recent and serious news. Dad has pancreatic cancer. Now, you should know this email is not meant to be an update on dad’s health condition or prognosis, ask me for that later if you aren’t up to speed, but rather a mental conditioning exercise for all of us. Now upon reading or hearing the news that Dad has pancreatic cancer, many of you are probably thinking some pretty awful & useless thoughts and your instinct is to be negative and become extremely worried. Yes, sadly, that is how most of us are programmed and socialized into thinking. Well guess what?! I won’t have it!!!!! The purpose of this email is to ask two things of each of you:
1. Please think, say, mention, & send only positive thoughts and energy when around my dad (and while by yourself if possible, its good practice)
2. Please email me, snail mail, facebook, and or text me, whatever, any positive thoughts, feelings, quotes, or words you may have about my father to me. (I’ll explain why below)

Ok here is why I am asking these 2 things of you:

Regarding statement #1

As I am sure you all know my father is not only an extremely funny, caring, outgoing, and selfless individual, but he is also one of the most positive persons any of you probably know. Dad is always optimistic and upbeat. This usually seems to come very easily to him, so much so that I know it can frustrate people around him at times for his apparent natural ability at this.

Whether he is discussing an extremely stressful work situation (he has found himself in plenty of those), something personal for a friend or family member, or a problem someone has, Dad usually says the same type of thing and carries the same cool and confident attitude, “it will all work out in the end and everything will be fine, no need to worry and stress about something that hasn’t happened yet.”

Usually he can say this and reassure everyone in the room with his confidence, to the point where you think he actually has the ability to see the future. Dad of course has taught me to be the same way and always thinks as positive as possible.

Dad is always saying, “Meg, take the emotion out of it” HA! He says this to mom and a lot of other people too LOL!.

I wish I were half as good at this positive stuff as he is, but I am trying, and I am asking all of you to try as hard as possible, for his sake.

Naturally though, there are times & situations when maintaining a positive outlook is a challenge, even for someone as good natured and constructive as Dad. This will be one of those times.

So what I am asking is this, please, when around or talking to dad, please, positive attitudes only!! This might seem obvious, perhaps it is, but I do not want dad to have an ounce of negativity around him, especially once he begins treatment (Friday).

Cancer and cancer treatments are an extremely tough thing for anyone, dad included, physically and even mentally. So I do not want Dad to hear ANY negative & useless thoughts including but not limited to these (just so you know what I am referring to and what fits into this category), “oh this is so unfair…,” “This sucks,” “OH I am so sorry,” “Why did this have to happen…” “I would trade anything to change this…,” “Or man we thought the heart situation was tough to deal with this is worse” and “I wish you didn’t have cancer or especially this kind” etc. etc. etc.

Well guess what? Dad does have cancer and none of us can change that. No matter how hard we all wish together we can’t change past and present facts, or wish for a different scenario.

This is the card we were dealt and we must handle it as positive as possible!! All of our thoughts and energy and much better spent on positive thoughts, not sympathy & useless thoughts which we can’t change. Obviously, these thoughts I am now condemning have crossed my mind, otherwise I wouldn’t have known to type them, but I won’t think them again and I don’t want any of you to think them or say them aloud.

There is no point. All our energies regarding dad should be toward positive thoughts like, “If anyone can beat this, Papa can,” (thanks Jenn) stuff like that.

Don’t waste your thoughts and breath with things that aren’t constructive, especially around Dad. Please, if a negative thought crosses your mind, cancel it out, literally. Now, just to clarify, I am not saying don’t show or express emotion or hold back tears if you feel them. This is of course fine and a healthy expression.

I just don’t want people’s thoughts to be negative. If you need to cry, cry. (Even around Dad he is incredibly strong and it usually makes him feel better when he is comforting and helping people, just don’t say negative/useless things when you are upset).

If you need to express that you are worried fine but don’t claim to want to change things or talk about the future in a negative way for fear Dad won’t be in it. BS. He will BE!!!!!

When it comes to things like cancer, the power of the mind can be an incredibly strong, powerful, wonderful & or negative thing. We want Dad ’s mental health to be as strong as possible and as it’s ever been, especially when his physical health isn’t.

If he has a strong encouraging and upbeat attitude this could be a stronger medicine than any chemotherapy drug he is given!! So please, no negativity, no useless thoughts (especially around Dad we can not let this infiltrate his mind and affect his attitude even in the slightest way) nothing but POSITIVE, POSITIVE, POSITIVE thoughts, energy, feelings & prayers!!!!!!!!

Regarding statement #2.

As I said I would like everyone who would like to, to please send me, in your chosen & preferred method, an encouraging thought, feeling, words or quotes you might have for Dad or about him (i.e. how much you just dig the great man).

The purpose of the entire positive energy gathering is that I am going to save each and every single positive thought etc. (I have already saved some), is to copy & paste them, enlarge them, print them out and hang them and post them all over the places which dad spends most of his time.

I hope to literally surround him in positive energy from all of his closest family, friends, contacts etc, anyone who so chooses to help out. This way, dad can always get up take a look around at all of the people who are pulling for him and all of the awesome things they have to say!!!

So please, do this when you can, the sooner the better as I plan to start this little cut, paste, enlarge & hang project of mine Friday so he has something super positive to see as soon as he gets his first batch of chemo poison to kill that cancer that will soon be gone out of his body!!!!

Ha if you so desire you can send multiple messages at a time, a day, or week! I will continue to hang and paste all throughout this fight!!

Ok ,that is all folks, I hope it’s not too much to ask. I realize that #1 is harder than #2 since #1 probably requires changing a lot of ingrained habit but please for Dad’s sake try try try your hardest & don’t forget to keep dad constantly in your prayers & thoughts.

Tell your friends, family etc, even people who do not know dad to do the same, every little bit helps, especially when all of those people are concentrating and thinking so hard about the positive outcome that will come one day in the future when we find out dad no longer has cancer!! So use that as your own little piece of encouragement and do what you can, which with positive thought, really is a lot!!

Thanks so much everyone, I REALLY TRULY appreciate it & I know Dad does too and he is incredibly thankful for all of the support and love he has from all of the people in his life that he knows & cares about and those that are fortunate enough to know him.